Don't Touch My HGTV!

     I love HGTV! Seriously, you can take most of the other channels but don't touch my HGTV. It doesn't matter if I'm watching that tough guy Mike rip up somebody's kitchen with a crowbar or watching Candace Olsen add glamour to a hall closet, I'm a dedicated fan. But I have to say sometimes their image of reality doesn't quite fit mine. I mean, really, who can afford to shop for homes that are $550,000 and up? And where are the jobs that allow them to buy these houses? Are there no waitresses or secretaries looking for houses? Is everybody a pilot or architect?  Can somebody help me polish up a resume? 

    Have you noticed that all of these people want a bigger, more expensive house so they can entertain? I'm sorry. I'm not interested in entertaining. I don't mind being the entertain-ee but entertaining is hard work.  And if I bought one of those houses the invitation would read "BYOCAC-Bring Your Own Cheese and Crackers." Who can afford to buy cheese with a house that costs that much? 

  Since we are on the subject there are other things that bother me. Like, for instance, how many times can you use the word "amazing" in one episode? "Those granite countertops are amazing!" "The master bedroom is amazing!" "I just love the deck and the pool. It's absolutely amazing!" " You took down all my ceiling fans and it's going to be 103 degrees in the shade tomorrow. But this is amazing!" Somebody needs to broaden their vocabulary and offer them a few other adjectives to liven things up. And what would happen if it wasn't amazing? I keep waiting to see that show filmed live. The house owner walks in to discover the room is painted with gold and blue stripes and the piano is wearing a coat of seafoam green. They attack the designer and somebody calls the police. We haven't seen that episode yet--but it could happen.

I'm on a roll here so you'll have to pardon me. An episode of House Hunters tonight featured a couple with three delightful children. In each of the houses they considered the real estate agent assured them that the children would all be on the opposite end of the house. "You won't even know they are here," he assured them. "And here's a room where they can do their homework and put their computer. Now they won't bother you to play games on your computer."  The couple was thrilled. There was a separate yard where the children could "entertain" their guests while the adults enjoyed the deck. The shrubbery even blocked the view.  By this time the couple was absolutely giddy. You guessed it. This was all "amazing!"  You know it's bad when I start talking out loud to the television set. "Maybe you could close in the garage and put the kids in there. There's even room for their own stove and fridge and you can just invite them into the house on holidays!" Good grief! I don't know about you but I had children because I wanted them and having them nearby was never a problem. It was an absolute joy! It was the highlight of our day to be with them and listen to their chatter and watch them play and just be together. It was...well...absolutely amazing! Who are these people who want to hide their children in some remote area of the house and bring them out to show them off when it's convenient? And I'm not interested in eating cheese and crackers with people like that so they don't need to ask.

     What about the people who pass up a great house at a fantastic price because everything is painted orange or there's shag carpeting from 1973 on the floors? Get real people! It's called "do it yourself." Paint the walls, rip up the carpet, replace the light fixtures. It can be done. I know. Ask me about shag various shades of yellow, green and orange. Been there, done that.

     For the few things I hate about it, there are so many others I love. So I can't quit watching. Which house will the pilot and his lovely wife, the divorce attorney choose? And how long can they afford to keep it?  Where does Candace find those beautiful fabric swatches? And what have they done with Carter? What will Mike demolish next?  But please give me a little reality HGTV. Will that couple really care about the high end appliances if they are working two jobs each to make that $1479.00 monthly payment? And who cares if the backyard is huge if the kids aren't allowed to play ball on the grass? Will you really be happier if you have a formal dining room you don't use anyway? And, does anybody check out the neighbors before they buy the house? Maybe that's why it's priced so great...ever hear of Norman Bates? 

      Get real. Home is much more than four walls and some great carpet. It's more than the perfect paint color and an inviting view. Home is where the heart is and for me...that means family. It doesn't matter if the furniture all matches and the draperies are custom tailored. New furniture and new appliances wouldn't hurt my feelings at all. But at the end of the day, it's about so much more. I have a sign on my wall that says it like this "A house is built of sticks and stone. A home is built of love alone."  Say it with's absolutely AMAZING!!!


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